Family Case Review #1

How to Set Boundaries When Your Child Refuses Treatment-

“I can’t throw him out, I don’t want him to die on the street.”

That was the message from a mother whose 21-year-old son had just overdosed at home, refused help, and told her he wasn’t going back to treatment. She’d tried everything. She was terrified. She was drowning.

And I knew exactly how she felt.

Because I’ve been that mother.

Let’s be clear: when you’re parenting someone in active addiction, you’re parenting inside a trauma response. You’re trying to save them and survive them. You’re trying to hold onto your child without losing your other children, your sanity, your marriage, your peace.

But there’s one truth no one wants to say out loud:

They can die in the street.
They can also die in your home.

Keeping them close doesn’t mean keeping them safe. Sometimes, it just brings the chaos closer to your front door.

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What You’re Really Asking When You Say, “I Don’t Know What to Do”

You’re asking:

• Am I helping or hurting?

• What if I make the wrong call?

• What if they hate me for it?

• What if they die because of me?

And here’s the truth:
You might make the hard call.
You might be misunderstood.
You might lose connection for a time.
And it still might be the right thing.

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Reflection Prompts for Clarity

Ask yourself:

• If I had unlimited resources, would I still be doing what I’m doing now?

• If my loved one overdosed tomorrow, would I regret the way I’ve been showing up today?

• If they walk back into my life in six months, what version of me do I want them to find?

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What If They’re Not Ready for Sobriety?

Three treatment stays. Leaving AMA. Refusing care. Relapsing within days.

That’s not a reflection of your parenting. It’s a signal that your child may not be ready to choose recovery and that the treatment system may not be meeting them where they are.

But no one…not you, not a court, not a 30-day program can want sobriety more than they do.

That doesn’t mean you give up. It means you start asking a different question:

How do I survive this with my soul still intact?

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Ways to Show Love When They Can’t Live With You

You can set hard boundaries without abandoning your heart. Here are some examples of how:

• Keep communication open with a prepaid phone

• Supervised visits for them to shower or do laundry (no drugs, no guests, when you're home)

• Send a hot meal via delivery when you know they’re struggling

• Pay for a hotel room on a freezing night

• Provide Narcan and safety items

• Care packs: socks, baby wipes, granola bars, clean underwear, and a simple note that says “You still matter. I still love you.”

Boundaries don’t erase your heart. They protect it.
And love doesn’t disappear when the door closes it just shows up differently.

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To see how I apply these tools in a real family scenario, keep reading.
In the paid section below, I walk through a complete Family Case Review, including:

• My exact analysis of this mother’s situation

• How I guided her to set a boundary she could live with

• My Regret-Based Boundary Tool worksheet

A printable tool: Ways to Love Without Losing Yourself